“He divines remedies against injuries; he knows how to turn serious accidents to his own advantage; whatever does not kill him makes him stronger”

I dont know why, but this class, my only 8:00am class, inspires me to write. I feel as though Im 'cheating' myself if I walk away from this classroom without having constructed some form of grammatically correct arrangement of words. 

This stage of my life, needs to draw some sort of conclusion soon. I have never before been this frustrated with myself. The containment associated with this injury and surrounded by this brace has caused my mind to go into overdrive. Essentially, I feel like it will spin out of control soon. I want to run. I want to roll over in the middle of the night with out a sharp pain shooting up my leg. I want the be able to stand in the shower for more than 5 minutes without feeling like Im going to fall over. I want to jump. I want to play with my teammates and my hallmates. I want to be able to keep up with my friends. 

For the first time in my life, I want to be like everyone else. 

Im tired of people taking pity on my injury. Im tired of everyone underestimating what I still maintain the ability to do. Im tired of being treated differently. Keep your sympathy. Show me honesty. Show me something real. 

I just want things to go back to the way that they were. 

At practice last night, I watched the team run drills and practice plays. I have never in my entire life wanted to run fitness drills as bad as I do now. Im envious, for lack of a better term. I want to be out there with them. I dont want to watch from the sidelines anymore. 

Its only been 8 days. 

"Pain is temporary. Pride is forever."

Twenty nine days. Its been twenty nine says since my last post. Where does the time go? I feel like it hasnt been that long since I sat here with the white monitor glow shining on my face as I typed out my thoughts. I guess I was wrong. Ill admit my mistake. Actually, thats something that Ive been doing quite frequently as of late. I dont exactly know what's going on in my little world, but I know that Im different, and that Im continuing to change. It has yet to be determined wether this change is for better or for worse. I have friends that could argue for and against both sides of the argument, but alas, I am caught in the crossfire. I just dont know what to do with myself. Currently Im just watching as things happen, and playing it by ear, although, I dont know how long I will be able to do that. Im deathly afraid of letting people down. Im afraid of disappointment. I wish I could please all of the people, all of the time. But I cant. Im only human. 

I found out over the past few weeks what its like to have walked in a place that does not exist. One of the islands in the Louisiana Gulf Coast that I visited over the summer has vanished. Terrebonne Island was destroyed by hurricanes Ike and Gustav. Throughout the trip my course instructors told me that these islands were not going to be around forever. I knew that they were slowly deteriorating every year, but It never occurred to me that I would witness the extinction of any of them within my life time. For lack of a better phrase, its surreal. And that still does not even begin to do it justice. 

Over fall break the Arts Village to a trip to DC. The first thing we saw when we arrived was the National Cathedral. As I walked through the catacombs that lined the inside, I felt this feeling that I cant describe. It was a sense of unity. Togetherness. To clarify, I did not find Jesus within those walls, nor did I have any such religious experience, but it did restore my faith within humanity. 

I dont quite recall how or why, but at the start of this semester Ive took up club rugby. Id have to say its been one of the best decisions of my college career. When Im on a field, surrounded by my team mates and my coach, not much else matters. Im just focused on doing my best. Because of the support of my team mates, every practice or game I walk off that field with my head high. They are the most positive and supportive group of people that I have ever met. From the fist practice that I went to, they showed a genuine interest in me, and wanted to help me every step of the way. Ive encountered this type of compassion few times before. Im really grateful. Im glad I have them in my life. 

I started this post two days ago. Ive gradually been adding sentences. I had to let my thoughts settle. Its been a while. 

"Let it ferment and came back to my senses."